Coaching as Cultivation: Mind, Body, and the Gift of Discomfort
- Dr. Dawn
- 6 days ago
- 4 min read
Musings of a Mindful Coach
As I was sipping on my morning coffee, looking at the icicles that have formed on the trees outside my kitchen window, I started contemplating my thoughts about coaching. Not coaching as a transaction. Not coaching as “tips and tricks.” But coaching as cultivation.
In mindfulness and contemplative traditions, cultivation is often described as the intentional practice of developing particular qualities of mind and heart over time (e.g., attention, compassion, equanimity), rather than waiting for them to magically appear when life gets easier (Dahl, Lutz, & Davidson, 2015; Goleman & Davidson, 2017). In other words: cultivation is training.
In Buddhist psychology, I often see the mind described as workable—trainable—through practices like ethical living, meditation, and self-inquiry, with the aim of reducing suffering fueled by clinging and confusion (often discussed as attachment and delusion) (Rahula, 1974; Wallace & Shapiro, 2006). The point isn’t to become “perfect.” The point is to become freer.
That’s why, when I think about coaching at its best, I don’t think about comfort. I think about cultivation.
Coaching is cultivation of mind (and yes, body too)
In a coaching session, developing a growth mindset, understanding one’s emotions, naming one’s patterns, and confronting the stories we keep rehearsing requires cultivation of the mind from where it is to where the coachee wishes it to be. That’s not a quick mindset hack. That’s a practice.
And it’s not only mental.
In my experience, our beliefs and coping strategies don’t stay neatly in our heads. They show up in breath, shoulders, sleep, digestion, and the nervous system—especially under stress. It shows up in our motivation and productivity. I’ve observed that when a client says, “I’m fine,” their body sometimes tells a different story. Research on stress physiology and nervous system regulation supports the broader idea that mind, emotion, and body are deeply intertwined (McEwen, 2007; Porges, 2011). So when we coach, we’re often coaching the mind-body system—not just the thoughts.
Cultivation, then, becomes the process of helping a client build the internal capacity to:
Notice what’s happening (without denial)
Name what’s true (without spiraling)
Choose what’s aligned (without self-betrayal)
Practice it repeatedly (until it becomes more natural)
That’s growth. That’s training. That’s cultivation.
Coaching is not always comfortable (and that’s the point)
Let’s be honest: this process can be uncomfortable.
It requires the coach to call the coachee out on their bullshit, short-sighted thinking, fixed mindset, and self-limiting beliefs. It means, as a coach, we must challenge the coachee’s ego and conditioned learning—so they can see themselves as they are and the potential that exists in them.
That’s not easy.
In my experience, discomfort is not automatically a sign that something is wrong. Sometimes it’s simply the nervous system encountering novelty: a new boundary, a new truth, a new level of accountability. What I’ve observed is that growth often involves an internal reorganization—clients outgrowing an old way of making meaning before the new one feels stable. Adult development theory speaks to this kind of shift in meaning-making and the demands it can place on us (Kegan, 1994).
And in my experience, insight alone isn’t the finish line. Sustainable change usually requires repeated practice, feedback, and support—especially when old habits are reinforced by stress and environment. Behavioral change models emphasize that change is a process, not a single moment (Prochaska & Velicer, 1997). Translation: the “ouchy” moment is often the doorway.
The domain doesn’t matter—cultivation is cultivation
Coaching is contemplative, cultivating, and sometimes uncomfortable. And the domain for the coaching process doesn’t matter.
I have coached managers around the discomfort of challenging their thinking and actions.
I have coached couples around the discomfort of having difficult conversations with their partners.
Sometimes, the coaching space takes us into areas of self-accountability, honoring personal boundaries, and resolving internal conflicts that must be brought back into alignment with one’s values. Again: facing one’s ego and attachments to unrealistic beliefs.
It is an “ouchy” moment—especially for coachees who are not ready to face themselves and their own ways of thinking and navigating their world. It's also a painful moment for coaches who are afraid to challenge what they are seeing from the coachee, such as resistance to change, attachment to the old stories and behaviors, or simply an ego refusing to let go.
And that’s where the coach’s presence matters.
The coach’s job: hold the heat without burning the client
Nonetheless, as many professional coaches know, the cultivating and uncomfortable process of coaching is where the real work happens. It’s the way our coachees go from the ah-ha moments to the ta-da moments.
That’s where growth is.
As a coach, it’s important for us to allow that space to exist:
Be comfortable with discomfort
Be okay with pushback and resistance
Stay consistent, empathic, authentic, and radically honest
And if the client is not ready, hold space for that too
Because coaching as a cultivator is a long-term investment in architecting real growth.
And after all, that’s what our profession is about.
Author: Dr. Dawn Reid, PCC
CEO & Founder of Reid Ready®
REFERENCES
Dahl, C. J., Lutz, A., & Davidson, R. J. (2015). Reconstructing and deconstructing the self: Cognitive mechanisms in meditation practice. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 19(9), 515–523. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tics.2015.07.001
Goleman, D., & Davidson, R. J. (2017). Altered traits: Science reveals how meditation changes your mind, brain, and body. Avery.
Kegan, R. (1994). In over our heads: The mental demands of modern life. Harvard University Press.
McEwen, B. S. (2007). Physiology and neurobiology of stress and adaptation: Central role of the brain. Physiological Reviews, 87(3), 873–904. https://doi.org/10.1152/physrev.00041.2006
Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton.
Prochaska, J. O., & Velicer, W. F. (1997). The transtheoretical model of health behavior change. American Journal of Health Promotion, 12(1), 38–48. https://doi.org/10.4278/0890-1171-12.1.38
Rahula, W. (1974). What the Buddha taught (2nd ed.). Grove Press.
Wallace, B. A., & Shapiro, S. L. (2006). Mental balance and well-being: Building bridges between Buddhism and Western psychology. American Psychologist, 61(7), 690–701. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.61.7.690