Coaching can be very challenging. You would think it would be easy as breathing. After all, how hard can it be to ask a few questions, right? Well, as I learned on my journey, coaching is so much more than asking questions. There is a science and art to it. Yes, there is an entire field of study dedicated to coaching and facilitating the coaching process. Its creative and as diverse and dynamic as we are, and the clients we serve. There are rules, mechanics, and methodologies, and there is flexibility and freedom. Also, there is no one way to approach coaching, and at the same time, you can do it wrong.
Whew!
This is enough to keep you in your head second-guessing yourself.
Am I using the right model?
Am I asking the best questions?
Am I coaching well?
Is my coaching brand targeting the right clients? Who the hell are my clients?
This list doesn't even begin to tell what inquires coaches have floating in their heads. Now, imagine these questions, and then being in the coaching session ALSO worrying about your value, if you are actively listening and hearing what the client is and is not saying, or are concerned if you are a good coach, or an imposter.
The worst thing you can do is to trap yourself in your head with your mental monsters. Actually, the worst thing you can do is let your mental monsters control you---I will talk about that more in another article. Nevertheless, if you are going to live in your head, you might as well make it comfy to be there, right? So, let's talk about that. Oh, and don't think this happens ONLY to new coaches, either. I have met a few old school folks with MCC level credentials and/or PhDs, who still "worry" about their coaching ability. You would think having any coaching credential would be sufficient to say, "hey I know my shit!" Ironically, sometimes it's not enough. This tells me that a coach can be skilled at the mechanics and know the theories of coaching, but the confidence of being a coach might be lacking. It also tells me such a coach who is always in their head may require a deeper dive into self-work to understand why they keep listening to the self-critic, self-sabator voice verses trusting the self-compassionate, self-loving voice that says you are an amazing coach.
So, how do we get out of our heads so that we can be confident, present, and authentic as a coach? Below are a few tips to help you get out of your head and get to coaching confidently.
Pause. When you start hearing your mental monster in your ear, just take a pause to change the mental conversation. Yes, you can intentionally change the mental conversation into productive words that will help you get out of your head. Self-Coaching Question: "I am in my head, and I acknowledge my mental monster is loose. What is making this mental conversation believable? How true is this story or these words?"
Breathe. Before your sessions begin, take a long, slow, and deep breath--several if needed. Ground yourself in the moment and remember what is true about your qualifications and competency. It may help if you create an affirmation. Below are some I have used when I was first starting. Affirmation: "I am an amazing coach, which is why the client hired me. I have my coaching credentials, which proves my skills. I have testimonies about my work, which supports the truth, I am qualified."
Hold Space for Yourself. During the session, if you find you are in your head, hold space for yourself. Hold space for self-grace, self-compassion. Hold space for silence to reflect and refocus your thoughts and/or senses back on the client. Focus on what the client is saying or not saying to you, and what you are curious about. Self-Coaching Question: "Am I focused on me or the client? Who/what am I focused on right now?" What am I curious about when I listen to the client?
Reframe and/or Start Over. In the coaching session, if you feel a question didn't land or does not represent a competent coaching question, reframe it. Start again. Coaching Question for Client: "Let me ask my question in another way." "What came up for you when I asked that question? "Would if help if I asked my question differently?"
Give Yourself Permission to be Human. After a "not so good" coaching session, remind yourself that there is no such thing as a perfect coach. We all make mistakes. Yes, you can be great, and there are times you will suck. That's okay. Everyone has off days. That does not mean you are a horrible coach. Remember, there is always an opportunity to do better. Decide how you want to handle that moment and remember it's a moment of awful coaching in your life, not a lifetime of awful coaching. Create an affirmation that will help you remember this. Below is one of mine. Affirmation: "I messed up today and that's ok. I will do better in the next session. Today was an off session. The next session will be on point. This one session is not a reflection of the totality of my skills."
Practice. Practice does not make perfect--there are no perfect coaches. However, practice leads to improvement and confidence. So, with that in mind, always remember, the more you coach, the more you will improve your skills. As you improve your skills, you will build confidence in yourself. Also, part of practice is continuing to develop professionally. Get training, get mentoring, and read, read, read! In fact, you can get my book, Coaching for Success, and / or take my coach training and mentoring programs to get the support and practice you need. Afterall, if you are maintaining your industry-level credentials, you need to do this anyway, right? Self-Coaching Questions: "What are my strengths? How can I leverage my strengths? What are areas of development for my coaching skills? What competencies do I want to grow within my practice?"
I would also recommend, hire your own coach. Or you may want to consider therapy should some of your worry and concerns have a clinical component. After all, the last thing we want to do is to project our stuff onto our clients. So, find out what's going on with those mental monsters and how you can get them back on their leashes. Self-work leads to evoking awareness about your beliefs, values, and how those mental monsters developed. This can help you identify the narrative you have grown to believe and discover how to change the story to reflect your true greatness and release you from living in your head.
Peace & Light
Coach Dawn