Coaching couples has always been a passion for me. I am in awe to see them work together to achieve individual and partnered goals, or work on overcoming obstacles as a unit. A new dynamic unfolds when couples are also entrepreneurs or partnered in their businesses. Still an extraordinary journey to be part of, but a uniqueness arises: understanding how to keep the business relationship separate from the marriage relationship. It can be challenging. After all, you are emotionally invested in your business and your marriage. So, how should couples who work together also function in their marriage (or as business partners)? What happens when you are personally upset with each other, or disagree on a business decision? Both can impact each other, how you behave and process working together while being married.
When I coach couples who work together, we co-create action plans and strategies to ensure both relationships are treated optimally and in harmony. Here are some strategies that a few of my clients and I developed during their sessions. I chose some of the key points from 3 couples who either work in a joint business, or they each had their own, but the spouse was very involved:
Have rules of engagement for business. When it comes to your professional relationship with your spouse, keep the mindset that everything you do pertaining to the company is business. Make sure you both are clear on the rules of engagement and commit to following them.
Have a written partnership agreement in place. Just as you would create a contract with a non-spouse partner, employee, or consultant, you should also have a business agreement with your spouse when you work together. The agreement should outline responsibilities and how you will handle duties, non-compete clauses, and any expectation as you would with any other partner or employee.
Keep pain points separate. If there is a source of contention when handling business, and you discuss this with your spouse-business partner, you don’t bring up things that happen in the marriage that are pain points. Similarly, you can agree that any pain points about the business are not discussed when working out a marital concern.
Use appropriate language. Speak to each other with appropriate language and respect. Know your spouse's love language and business language and develop the ability to know when to use which. Love language is reserved for marriage, and business language is reserved for business.
I vs. You. Remember to use “I feel” statement vs. “you are” statements. For example:
"I felt that my ideas were dismissed during the meeting today." (this is less accusatory).
"You dismissed my ideas during the meeting today." (this statement might make your spouse/partner feel defensive).
Use active listening. Don’t just hear what your spouse is saying; process it and repeat it. For example, paraphrase what your spouse stated, or frame what you heard to show you understood. This applies both within the marriage and within the business.
Apply compassion and mindfulness. Accept that confrontations and disagreements will happen in your marriage and your business. Look for ways to avoid them. For instance, validate your spouse’s feelings rather than trying to justify yours, even when you don’t agree. Show respect, compassion, and empathy with each other.
Every couple is different. So, you may develop your own agreements and terms for engagement in the marriage and the business. But, the bullet-point concepts can give you a foundation for discussion. Tailor them to your needs or create unique ones. The idea is to develop strategies that allow you to work together, while keeping activities for the business and marriage emotionally separate.
Dr. Dawn Reid, PCC, is a personal and professional growth architect who transforms aspiring coaches and leaders through evidence-based, culturally and socially responsive coaching. Using her proprietary PARA™ methodology, and Jasiri Kweli coaching approach, she guides clients to achieve work-life-self harmony, reduce imposter syndrome, and build confidence. As a trusted ICF-accredited coach educator with a 90% credentialing success rate, Dr. Dawn empowers individual transformation and professional coaching excellence. Ready to elevate your purpose? Visit: www.drdawnreid.com
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