Self-Esteem: A Journey to Valuing Yourself
- Dr. Dawn
- Apr 5, 2020
- 3 min read
Updated: Dec 11, 2025
The comedian Katt Williams once described self-esteem as “the esteem of oneself,” meaning the respect and worth you feel for yourself. In his skit, he alluded that we are not responsible for another person’s self-esteem. Therefore, he inferred that if your self-esteem is low, it is your problem. What the comedian missed in his stand-up was that our self-esteem develops based on our life experiences. Meaning parenting style, being praised, or criticized, being respected or disrespected, all have correlational influence on having low or high, secure or defensive, self-esteem. So, to some degree, we do influence how someone’s self-esteem develops, based on our relationship to the person.
Many people struggle with self-esteem. It is believed that many of our problems come from how we feel about ourselves. Likewise, people beat themselves up and have issues with self-sabotaging behavior and “stinking thinking” because of low self-esteem. I personally had to overcome these issues. My sister also did. So, I know firsthand the effect of someone's words and behavior on self-attitudes. When I was young, my parents divorced. Both of my parents suffered from addiction, and their personal issues affected their behavior towards my sister and me. Neither could effectively parent us.
Childhood experiences contribute to low self-esteem. Likewise, even adults who experience constant criticism or no affirming or positive feedback will eventually feel undervalued.
What can you do to build your self-esteem? I am not one to say if I can do it, so can you. But I will say that you can build your self-esteem if you are willing to do the internal work. I have worked with many clients to incorporate mindfulness and solution-focused coaching in their lives. I am always excited when I see others overcome self-esteem issues and self-sabotaging behavior. It is freeing, satisfyin,g and a joy to discover your worth and be unwavering from your belief about who you are and what you can do.
If this is an area you struggle with, you can work on how you think about yourself and learn to respect, honor, and love yourself just as you are.
Here are some strategies that can support your self-esteem-building journey:
Have self-compassion and focus less on what other people think or say about you
Get counseling to help you identify where the correlations between your experiences and self-esteem development exist (e.g., childhood experiences), or to identify if there are other conditions, such as depression and/or anxiety, that need to be treated
Hire a professionally certified coach to help you create goals and activities that will help you develop your self-esteem
Tap into a spiritual-based or mindfulness-based practice, your faith, or affirmation practices
Build a positive support network of encouraging people
Release people from your life who are negative, belittle you, or make you feel worthless
Recite to yourself positive affirmations: you can start right now just by looking in the mirror and saying, I value me, then begin taking actions that demonstrate your affirmation
Focus on your accomplishments and what you know you are good at
Participate in activities that will help you build your skills and confidence
Limit your social media exposure - there are several studies where researchers found that social media can negatively influence self-esteem
If you would like to learn more and start creating activities and goals to help you build your self-esteem, contact our offices at coaching@reidreadycoaching.com or 856.435.8483.
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